awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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