its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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