your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
