youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
