It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
