I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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