Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
