my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
