We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
