I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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