i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
