Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
