Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
