I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dicks are not precious.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize