Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Non-Jews are for practice
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was born a porn star she said
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
