If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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