well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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