So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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