sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
