he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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