So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
