Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
