I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
