I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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