turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
