He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
