Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
