you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
