I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
