that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
