The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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