I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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