I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's shark week go big or go home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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