Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
