drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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