she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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