Moan for me like Helen Keller
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
