I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
