You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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