Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
