Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize