After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
