My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
