He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
