I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
