I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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