He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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