After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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