I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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