Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
