I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
