btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
