All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
