Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My sheets look like a crime scene.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize