Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
