Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
