I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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