I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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