ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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